Some Random Thoughts on (Single) Motherhood

i'm a bad blogger.  actually, i should qualify that by saying i'm a bad time manager.  i hate that about myself.  if i were a better manager of my time, i would have time to blog and pick up the toys and pacifiers scattered all over my house and even get in a few minutes of exercise every day.  i really need to work on this.  i am busy for sure, but i could be doing alot better with how i spend my time. 

anyway, ruby is six months old now.  i know!  can you believe it?  she is so much fun, smiling and laughing alot.  it's so crazy the way a baby changes your life.  i feel like captain obvious saying that, but i just had no clue before ruby came.  mostly, i had no clue how much i would love ruby and how much i would love being a mom.  one of the first things that i thought when i found out i was pregnant was "my life is over!"  and yet all those cheesy cliche sayings about motherhood like "having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body" are actually true once you have your own child. 

anyway, what i really want to talk about today is being a single mom.  sometimes i lament about how hard it is.  it is hard; don't get me wrong.  but i have to remind myself that i only have one child, and there are lots of single moms out there with 2, 3, 4 ect. (i hope jim bob duggar never dies.)  i can't even imagine doing this job with more than one. 

in the last six months, i have come to realize that there are both positives and negatives to being a single parent. 
first, the negatives: (i promise i'm not trying to complain, just stating facts)
*carrying groceries in from the car. this is the one that pops into my head first.  i've come to hate grocery shopping because it means an agonizing trip from the car to my upstairs apartment with a baby strapped to my stomach.  i do my best to get everything in one trip because i don't want to make that trip twice. 
*"your turn to get the baby"  when you're a single parent, you don't get to say this.  it's always your turn. 
*when baby is fussy everything stops.  i know this is normal for most moms, single or not, but there is no husband or partner to hand the baby off so you can finish dinner.  sometimes you just have to realize that dinner is going to have to wait, or you learn how to get creative and cook one handed. 
*christmas pictures, pictures of you sleeping next your baby.  ok, this might not be a big deal, but this year for ruby's first christmas, i had to figure out how to set the timer on my camera so we could get pictures together.  and i really wanted a picture of me and ruby sleeping together, but when you're single, there is no one to take those pictures.
*having someone to share in all of baby's moments.  this one is really hard.  i want to have someone to be able to talk about how many times ruby spit up or that she seems fascinated with some new toy.  you can only talk about that stuff on facebook so much before people start unfriending you.  fortunately, my mom is really good about letting me tell her all about ruby's poop schedule.  but you know, it's just not the same.
*having to work.  for a while i was doing all of my work from home, which was awesome and horrible at the same time.  now i'm going in to my office 4 hours a day while my grandmother watches ruby.  i never thought i'd say this in a million years, but i wish i could be a stay at home mom who didn't have to work at all.

and now the positives:
*money boss: as a single mom, i get to be in charge of the money.  if i want to buy ruby a new toy or a new outfit, i don't have to justify it to anyone but myself.  i love this. 
*basically, i get to be in charge of everything!
*no arguments: i don't have to argue with anyone that they are not helping out with the baby or helping out around the house.  (i'm sure your husband/partner/boyfriend is great, and you never argue about this stuff.)
*no taking care of someone else.  i don't have to worry about getting dinner ready or doing laundry for anyone else. 
*influence: i get to be the sole main influence in ruby's life.  i get to decide how she will be raised, and that's huge.
*bond: i've heard other people say that single parents have an extra special bond with their child/children.  i hope that's the case, especially when ruby is a teenager.

ruby has been such a huge joy, blessing, gift in my life.  she makes even the hardest of times as a single mom worth it.